A financial reality check

CAN YOU RETIRE?

You've been dumping money into the S&P 500 like it's a retirement plan. Spoiler: the market doesn't care about your feelings, your avocado toast budget, or your "I'll figure it out later" attitude. Let's find out if you're cooked.

FACE THE MUSIC

The Inputs.

Be honest. Lying to a calculator is a new low, even for you.

How many years you've spent not saving enough
The age you think you'll stop working (cute)
Optimistic or realistic? Your call.
$
Per month. Yes, including that streaming addiction.
$
Total invested in S&P index funds right now
$
How much you're adding every month
10%
5% Bond-like / Pessimist
7% Conservative Estimate
10% S&P 500 Historical Avg
12% Optimist / Bull Run
S&P 500 has averaged ~10%/yr since 1926. That's before inflation eats its cut.
3%
2% Fed Target / Dream
3% US Historical Avg
5% 2022-era / Rough
8% Things Are Cooked
US long-run average is ~3%. The Fed "targets" 2%. Your grocery bill says otherwise.

Your Money Over Time

Hover to inspect any year
Portfolio Value Cumulative Spending Retirement Starts

Reality Check

What If You Spent More or Less?

Same savings, different spending habits
Monthly Spend Money Lasts Until Left Over at Death Verdict

Parting Wisdom

This is satire. This is not financial advice. If you make life decisions based on a website with skull emojis, you deserve what happens next.
S&P 500 historical returns are not guarantees. Past performance is not indicative of future results.
© CAN YOU RETIRE? — A public service announcement.

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